DEpressing
Everyone is depressing today. Someone start talking about poo or periods or something. Or let’s have another hating on someone thread. God. I have nothing exciting going on right now and I was kinda counting on tumblr to make me laugh, but you’re failing miserably tumblrs!!!
Ok, I will tell you the story of why I cannot poop in front of any man or in someone’s house with the exception of a few lucky individuals. This phobia proves to be quite inconvenient seeing as I go out of town alot. It took me a good 6 months to be able to crap in my own house when my ex moved in.
So, about ten years ago I was dating this guy who lived upstairs at his Grandparents house. We had gone out and enjoyed being ‘young and in love’. Well, upon coming back to his house, I felt the poo demons calling. It was time and there was nothing I could do about it. So I went to the upstairs bathroom and did my bidness. Nothing impressive. What I didnt realize when I flushed, was that the boyfriend had gone in there prior to me, and clogged the toilet. Unfortunately for me, you couldnt tell because there was nothing visible in the bowl. So, I flush, water starts pouring out, I began to panic. At the ripe dumb age of 19, I dont realize that simply shutting off the water would alleviate this fiasco. What do I do? I began to take his Grandmother’s towels out of the linen closet and throw them down on the floor in an attempt to soak up the water.
In the meantime, the boyfriend comes barrelling up the stairs screaming “what the FUCK are you doing?!”. It seems as though the poo water had soaked through the floor, shorted out the ceiling fan over the dining room table, and was dripping onto his Grandmother where she sat writing out bills.
I have not pooed around a man other than my dad in ten years. Sometimes this makes me very cranky. Hope I made you laugh
i can’t poo on vacation. or at work. or anywhere other than my own home really.
I left the ladies room at work yesterday when I realized that a woman had come in and was sitting in the stall waiting for me to leave, but I was doing my make-up. I don’t seem to have a phobia at work but I can’t in my own apartment if a guy I like is there. I have to turn the faucet on or something. Or the music up. Ridiculous. Once I went on a date with a guy and he asked if he could come up to my apartment to use my bathroom before heading for the subway. As he went inside he smiled back at me, “I’ll even close the door!”
There was no date #2. I don’t care if we’ve been married 50 years — you will NEVER leave the door open.